2009

I have lots to write, but I am lazy.

hmm...let's see, what I did during the holiday?
Movie, movie, movie, my computer got too much movie for me to finish, I thought can complete all of them in this month, but now not even 50% I managed to watch.
Also busy with Christmas Events.
Then hang out with almost the same people..haha..
hmm...nothing much..

Oh, or maybe I should ask what happened or what I did for the whole year of 2009.
This year, is special for me, is a year with some ups and many many downs.
Yea, every one do have their ups and downs for this year, nothing special.
But for me, it is relatively special as before that, I lived a 'dull' life, no big things happen, no drama, no rumors, no betrayer, no breaking apart, no harassment....
The 'dull' life is actually a peaceful life for me, I hate dramas, hate all that I mentioned above.
But, I did learned a lot if I were to see it from the bright side.

According to time,

The Fake Feeling.
The real but unaware feeling.
The betrayer.
The lesson of trust.

The 1 day camp.
The unaware falling in.
The 1st msg.
The practice.
The sports.
The strong feel.
The 1st tp.
The 2nd tp.
The burning heart.
The confession.
The transition.
The success.
The mistakes.
The total failure.
The transition.
The Obsession.
The slowly leaving God.
The starting of the bad news.
The path of finding the answer.
The worst day ever.
The pain.
The pictures.
The final decision.
The healing.
The distance....

The harassment by a psycho.
The dramas.

These are just part of my 2009 but greatly affects me.
90% of it are something bad.
Some of them are still unsolved and they are no ways I can solve it too.
They can only be slowly diluted in the river of time.

And the biggest problem, which remain till now, is my relationship with God.
Is a spiritual war.
Lord, please let me win over the war.

No matter what, Life goes on and another year is waiting ahead of us.
How will be the year 2010?
No one knows.
But we will write it ourselves.

Christmas Eve '09

Suddenly, Christmas Eve~
Haha, yea, suddenly, 2009 is coming to end, it is fading.
We are approaching the 10th year of 21st century.

Don't know since when, every year during Christmas, I will have the same feeling.
I didn't enjoy this special event entirely.
I don't know how to describe the feeling, happy+XXX, as time passes so so fast.

Ok, let's see, today: port klang, breakfast, bank, hospital, bank, bank, bank, church.

I am proud to say that for nearly 10 years I didn't enter hospital.
I guess the last time I entered hospital was bacause my dad had operation to remove his gall.
Today, I stepped inside hospital again.

And this time, with a totally different feeling.
I know, deep down in my heart, if I can, I want to become a doctor.
BUT, yea, BUT, I know I can't face all those flesh and blood.
And today, as I stepped inside the hospital , I decided to observe, to see clearly, IF I were to see a 'bloody person', and IF I can bear the feeling, then I will rethink of whether should I pursue for medicine.

So I went in.
I saw nothing as I walk up to 3rd floor.
Then I entered the wad where all the patients are victims of road accident.
Yea, my dad's friend was involved in an accident.
He ride motorbike, bang on 1 car, fly up, helmet drop, and then drop down on the road.
His left brain was dead and now is in a state of coma.
His right hand can move, and can see he breathing very hard, but he can't wake up.
Is very sad to see him like that.
And his wife was sucking his phlegm from his throat when we reached there.
Yea, doctor open 1 hole in his throat and every hour the wife need to suck out the excess phlegm from his throat. It hurts.
But he can't do anything except keep shaking his body while the wife suck the phlegm from his throat.

Ok, back to me, as I walked in, my heart beat very fast, I knew I was walking into an 'accident wad', the patients there sure will be very 'ugly'.
But, how to say leh, the visit to the wad didn't give a result of whether I am able to bear the 'bloody' scene as all the patients are 'clean' and bandanged.
So, nothing 'big' that I can see. lol....
Maybe next time I should take a visit to the emergency room.

So, the decision after a visit to the hospital is the same as before, no medicine.

So yea, this is something that I would like to record here during this special Christmas Eve after sooo long never update this blog.

Lastly, Merry Christmas!
Jesus came to the world to save us.
Believe in HIM and we will be saved!

Oh, by the way, I went to HTAR.

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