Just to Express

Many things happened especially when I have to move around, to different places, meeting different people, and to be involved in this real world.
I found that I am not a person suited for this world. I am not a sociable person, in fact I feel uncomfortable when talking to people. But the reality is, social skill is very important in this world.
Somehow 'talking' for a person like me comes with practice, the more you talk to people, the more you can talk. The problem with me is I don't know how to start, or to be more precisely I don't have the will to start too. I feel very uncomfortable when talking to people, I do try to find more topic to share, but my mind will just go blank. One of the reason might be due to my distrust in people, I am not a person who trust someone easily, perhaps I trusted people easily before but was then betrayed, I don't know.
When I look around, I found that I don't have much real friends, and I admit that this is because I don't mix around, and most of the time I refuse to mix around. I rather stay alone and be in my own comfort zone.
Someone told me that I have some mental block and attitude problem, I accept that.
But always I like to think the other way round, why I must change myself to suit the world, why must I always lives under the expectation of other people. (I guess this is the attitude problem that she meant)
I just want to be myself.

Creativity. This is an all-time strange word for me. But as a dietitian-to-be, I have to be creative. I must be creative in suggesting ways to change patient's usual diet intake to a healthier way based on his/her food availability, financial status, and even their preference.

Food. This is another issue. I am never a person who will appreciate the color, texture, aroma, and maybe even taste of food. I am not a person who live to eat. I eat just to survive, and I will not bored of eating the same food everyday. . Most of the people in this world know how to eat better than me, they enjoy good food, and crave for certain food in certain time, know how to search for famous food. But for me, there is no such thing as high or low quality, famous of not famous, nice or not nice food. For me, there is only food that I eat or I don't eat. The food that I eat I can eat everyday, and the simpler the food the better.
But as a student in this course, I have to know and understand all kinds of different food, somemore need to know food outside of my own race, which I found it to be a waste-of-time thing to do. (maybe another attitude problem)
Yes, I know that I have chosen the wrong course (technically half a course) and I am stuck here.
Nevertheless, there a still good point about this course, that is I know how to choose healthy food, and this benefit is lifelong. (this sounds selfish). In fact, I am very much willing to share my knowledge to other people, but due to my problem in communication, some people might feel bored as I talk to them. Or most of the other people want a shortcut way, which I assure you that there is none. Or another problem is due to my lack of creativity, somehow I cannot give a good practical ways.

Beside food, another half of the course is the clinical part of it. And I love clinical very much. And only at this time I regret that I did not choose to study medic. Even though no matter doctor or dietitian also need to be able to talk and socialize, but at least by studying medic I can have my full concentrate on clinical, without any 'food' to bother me. When I talk to other people about this, especially the persons in the same field as me, most of them actually supported me to take medic after I graduated. But in reality, I have already wasted my 4 precious years in this course, to become a MO I need at least another 6-7 years, that time I will be quite old. I really love medic, but I also don't want to graduate at such old age. The struggle inside me is big.
Another road that I can think of is to further study in the area of clinical nutrition. This seems to be a better road. I don't know.

There are other issues.

Everything just seem not right.

Tired. Empty.